Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
