Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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