We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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