32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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