I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
