I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my shit smells like andre
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
