Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Even my vagina gasped.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
