Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
