he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
