worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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