Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
