There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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