never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.