he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
