Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!