I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
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there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead