this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize