Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
