New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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