My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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