so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
