I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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