I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
