I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
