i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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