UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh god it's open bar.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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