We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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