Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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