u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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