It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
