i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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