and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
