Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
