I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
