My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
