Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
