she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
