so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
