i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
