don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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