If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
