He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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