bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
