I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
