You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
