I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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