he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
