i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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