Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
