I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
