"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We're facebook friends in real life
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
