Me. At least after what I've been through.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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