haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
