You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
