I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
