I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
