I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
