she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
