someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
