So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
