Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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