its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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