You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
