you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
