Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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