I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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